Cate has been with us for two years as of yesterday, it has been a journey of joy, sorrow, love and triumph for a little girl who was dealt a hand that had little promise. She is our daughter, little sister, grand daughter, friend and her spirit shines with her spunk and tenacity. She is a warrior through and through, no fear, full speed ahead, her tank is full of gusto.
I believe God led us to both girls. Adopting both girls so close together has been one of the most difficult times in our lives. When I am truly honest I can admit that it was probably the most terrifying time in my life. I wanted Olivia for so many reasons and my gut told me YES YES YES but my head said NO NO NO most of the time. We persevered through the difficult times, the process, figuring out the financial, logistical side of it all. Agreeing, disagreeing, love, anger and of course the doubt. Our family feels complete and stronger because of the journey.
When we departed for China we knew David's father, John was ill, the symptoms did not sound good. We came home on August 1 2015 and settled into a routine with Olivia. As every adoptive family knows it takes awhile to get to know "who" your child is, especially true with an older child. While David's Mom and Dad went to numerous appointments and John went through several parenthesis procedures our life is Salt Lake City was all about finding a balance, a new normal. A heathy serving of compromises all around when you add another child to the family. As a mother I was so grateful that Olivia found peace and serenity in David's presence. It was an honor to see David be the favored one, he relished in her love and she blossomed and learned to trust while in his arms.
The family plate was so full, the house was literally full, David's work schedule was full, the boys were busy and Cate was an exploding, exploring, fairly typical toddler. Fine tuning our lives in order to see where every member fit into this group of six was a giant hurdle. Through the struggles I learned a valuable tidbit... sometimes tearing it down to the sticks is awful, it's hard and daunting. Sometimes so difficult to the point where you are forced to dig deep, cry in the shower, call in favors, pray, pray some more, ask for forgiveness, ask for strength and more than once you will want to run from the fear of letting it ALL go to God's hand. In the end rebuilding, redoing, refurbishing, repurposing, realigning and rereading your life's values and gifts is a much better option than literally staying stuck in the old. The growth and beauty on the other side is worth the jump.
This is where connecting the dots becomes so hard. A man I knew for almost 25 years was dying and there was not a viable option to save him. Our lives were about to change yet again, and it had only been a few months between our adoption and his diagnosis. David turned his focus towards his parents, and spent a great deal of time in his childhood home, helping his parents navigate a new normal that was fast approaching. It felt like we were all breaking, a man of great courage, a man full of kindness, a man who had lived his entire life for his family. He faced his illness with great courage and with Mitzie by his side. We decided to spend the holidays out in California. John was actually in the hospital over Thanksgiving, he met his newest granddaughter in a hospital room. It wasn't until after he passed that we realized we did not have a single photo of John with Olivia. Funny how history repeats itself, because David's grandfather died shortly after John and Mitzie adopted David. There is only one photo of David with his grandfather.
Through all of the appointments, restrictions and changes John did not fight or become cross because he was ill. Ever cheerful and always entertaining, he was full of God's grace everyday. He treated me as his own and there was never a day I doubted he loved me. In December, we began to spend as much time out in California as we possibly could. We left John David for weeks on end since he could not miss school. I am forever grateful for that time with John and Mitzie. We watched the leader of our family, the man at the head of the table, falter as his illness took over his body. He was a man of habits, a little butter on most everything. He was always ready for a meal, a drink, a trip, a chat, a party. He kept calendars with quick personal notes that he could easily reference a trivial question, where did we go to dinner for Fathers Day in 2005 ? He kept list and wrote everything down. He taught me patience and showed me that having faith in life, my marriage and my family was important.
He died peacefully at home on February 24th, 2016. A stream of visitors preceded his death, he was a very popular guy. His eulogy was penned from the heart by his son, my husband, not a dry eye at St. Isabella's that day. John's luncheon was held at La Toscana, the restaurant where I first met John, where we went after Wyatt's baptism, my 51st birthday and just a few days ago a celebration with friends and family for Mitzie's seventy third. The first time I met John he was kind and entertaining, Mitzie had warned him to be on his best behavior because she thought I would become their daughter in law. She was right and not only did I become their daughter in law, I became a member of their family, a part of there lives. Through all of the years they (John and Mitzie) showed me the importance of commitment and kindness. They truly loved each other, the old fashioned kind of love that is missing in our world today. My dear sweet father in law, you are missed, your silly jokes are missed and I am still eating hot sauce from the Central Valley. Happy Father's Day.
